What I want to say

– Muskaan Admani

When another person asks how I am

I want to say

I really do really feel

     Unloved

And

     Worthless

And like

     A burden

This d e p r e s s i o n

Is a ravenous parasite

Sucking out all the light-weight

I have still left

I have misplaced my sight.

I want to say

That my ideas

Are incessantly pushing bodyweight towards my shoulders

And that is why I shake occasionally

I am relentlessly battling a boxing match

That you are unable to see

But my electrical power

Is now fleeting.

I want to say

That

     S m i l i n g

Has become a

Magic trick

But I am possibly the worst

     Magician

You know

However

I am a master at

     Pretending

All is great.

I want to say

That I am

     D r o w n i n g

These partitions are caving in

And I no lengthier know how to survive

It is really like I’m seeking to swim

But my fingers and toes are tied.

I want to say

That this unhappiness

Has infected my lungs

So breathing has turn out to be an

     A b o m i n a t i o n.

I want to say

That life has torn

At the verge of my strength

I am  n u m b 

I am  e m p t y.

My grave

Is this system.

But I’d somewhat not ravage

Someone’s temper

With my  t r a g i c  h o n e s t y

So I goof absent

Like anything is a laughing matter

And I say a little something appropriate, like:

“I’m alright. How are you?”

Hello! I am Muskaan, a Psychology Undergraduate from Queen Mary College of London. I am presently on my placement yr doing the job in a faculty. I am sharing my experiences by poetry – a medium that has assisted me all over my struggles of psychological wellness, with the hope to assist and inspire many others.